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A Practical Guide for Becoming a Flight Attendant

cadams
Adventurer B
Remember when the phone was our primary communication tool? My son mentioned to me recently that, as a child, he could never understand how I could spend so much time on the phone. Now he says the same about my computer. I love e-mails that make me laugh out loud. I received the following recently and wanted to share since, while obviously exaggerated, the scenarios are familiar. Not all of them apply to Southwest. If you think you might want to become a Flight Attendant, perform the following (smile) before deciding: 1. Go to a resale store and find an old navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the same outfit for three consecutive days. 2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and that they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the next day; do the same thing again. (Nonreving CAN be a great perk!) 3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. 4. Turn on the radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all day. 5. Remove the cover from several TV dinners. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself. 6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. 7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later when you're really hungry. 8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from your family's meal. 9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the day. 10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's wing-tips and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake. 11. Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold sweet roll. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school. 12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out in the yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room. 13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up carry-out food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you'll be ready for your wake-up call. 14. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first trip. I'm reminded of my late husband saying, "I wish you would treat me like you do your passengers." I answered, "Leave in an hour and I WILL!" We all have times in our occupations when humor is the great antidote! We lose and misplace items throughout our day. Let's please not misplace our sense of humor!
13 Comments
hcarboy
Explorer B
Great post Carole!! But an addendum to 9 might be 9a) after making mess in bathroom, pull trash can next to bathroom door, eat a lukewarm bowl of Top Ramen soup over it and have your family ask, every minute mind you, "Where's mine?" Happy Holidays Carole!! Come see us in Phoenix!
Matt
Explorer A
Carole- Thanks for making me laugh. I'm on day 11 of 12 straight (yes, legal crew rest in between but that's all) and I'll share this with my crew! Matt
FriendofBlogBoy
Frequent Flyer B
Carole, Your professional and conscientious approach to your job is only outweighed by your sense of humor and the rare ability among any employees of most companies to not take themselves seriously! While your post was funny on one level, on another level it reminds many of us of some of the serious challenges that FAs face each day at work. Thanks to YOU and all of your fellow Flight Attendants for ALL that you do! Kim 🙂
Catia
Explorer C
That is great. I love your blog and my dream is to became a flight attendant
Paul8
Explorer C
I've read others of this ilk, like "how to prepare to deploy to the desert," and so on, which were funny, but this one was almost "rolling on the floor laughing" good! As one who spent many, many hours airborne as a passenger on "government contract" airliners, I could identify with the situations described - and with the extreme professionalism denoted! You might add in, however, "Take off all your rings and go to the hottest singles bar in town. Then smile sweetly and pretend to be amazed at the tales of the exploits of all those guys who assure you they're not married at the moment..."
Diana1
Explorer C
carole...you have to be one of the best at your job...keep up the good work and keep telling us funny stories...see you next yr at the c/c meetings..also my mom who is almost 80 thinks you have a great outlook on all of lifes happrnings..luv..diana
FF_since_89
Explorer C
How can you tell a Southwest flight attendant at a party? She is the one eating over the trash can.
Randy_Anglim
Explorer C
Carol most of this is so true for swa f/a but even after all of that I still luv my job.
Ann_Nozawa
Explorer C
Thanks for this humor, and much thanks for the humor and wonderful, warm service I receive all the time as the non-rev mother of Kenji Nozawa of MCO. You guys have to be faking it at times, I know, so you deserve credit as great actors as well as terrific people! Thanks so much to y'all.
Charlene_Black
Explorer C
Hi all, I am doing a college research paper on the effects minimum layover rest peroids. I would appreciate any comments you care to share. Thanks
Nicole_Meers
Explorer C
Hi Carole, I have a group interview on Saturday the 23rd of this month with Southwest, to become a flight attendant. I am so excited, also very nervous. Any tips or suggestions that might help me out! I am also a Dallasite! Thanks for your help! Nicole
Casey5
Explorer C
Hi Carole - Oh girl, you have touched my heart. I flew for Southwest until April 2004 when family obligations required me to hang up my wings to be a "stay on the ground" Mom. But I have to say, there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss one (if not every one) of those points. For each "oh no" there were at least a dozen pluses to go along with it. I just LUVed my job and all those people - where else to you get a chance to meet 500 different folks everyday and work with some of the most amazing people you could ever find? When my precious baby goes off to college this year - I AM coming back - mark my words! I love sharing my stories with my family and now have 3 Grandbabies who will be ready to hear a whole lot more. Have a good trip! Hope to cross paths with you soon.
Maureen11
Explorer C
After reading your blog Carole I think I may have found the perfect job! Let's see I have been a mom since I was 19, currently work 12 hour shifts on a critical care unit, rarely get a one half hour lunch, never mind 2 15 min breaks, find myself eating at my station and yes sometimes over the trash. Must always maintain my composure with patients and their family members. Oh yes and by the way I am in the Southwest waiting pool! Thanks for the laugh today. I needed it.