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I COULDN'T MAKE THIS UP, EVEN IF I TRIED

Employee
Employee
People that know me also know that bizarre things happen to me. Frequently. If I were followed 24/7 by a camera crew, I could have my own TV show. Think "America's Funniest Home Videos" with liberal dashes of "I Love Lucy" and "The Jerry Springer Show" thrown in for good measure. For example, I blew up my pool filter a few years back by mixing algaecide and shock (when they say don't mix chemicals, they really mean it!), almost commiting self-immolation. My son, panicking, called 911, and every neighbor I have looked over the fence to watch the paramedics examine the burns on my arms. Another time, after construction began on a new subdivision behind my house, I stuck my hand into my kitchen pantry--only to have a little field mouse, ostensibly one that had moved in with me after its little den had been disturbed by the construction, ran up my arm. I did what any red-blood American male would do--screamed like a little girl and flailed my arm like a windmill in a hurricane. Unfortunately, that flung the mouse across the kitchen, and it landed on the head of my sleeping 160-lb. labrador retriever, who jumped up, freaked out, and in his gyrations trying to remove said mouse from his head he knocked at full velocity into the wall, where I put a large hole in the sheetrock. So this morning...I got up, on schedule, and stumbled into my bathroom to do what everyone tends to do in their bathroom first thing in the morning. And there...in my toilet...was a squirrel. A DEAD squirrel. Floating placidly in the toilet bowl and staring up at me. I rubbed my eyes a few times to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and when the deceased animal didn't disappear, I figured it was real. So there I stood, speechless, wondering what the heck I should do about it. After quickly looking around the bathroom to make sure there weren't any other squirrels coming to my waterlogged little visitor's funeral, I went into the kitchen and returned to the bathroom with the only utensil I could think of for the situation--the kitchen tongs. It should come as no surprise to anyone that the little critter was semi-stuck in the bowl, and it took a number of increasingly sharp tugs before it popped out. At that point, I realized I hadn't completely thought this through, as I had no clue how to dispose of a soaking wet, dripping, dead rodent. So, back into the toilet bowl went the squirrel for one more quick swim, while I went back to the kitchen and got a plastic WalMart bag. I sprinted back to the bathroom, extricated the squirrel one last time, and into the bag he went. My trash gets picked up twice a week, and the next pickup isn't for a few days. So, until then, my furry little roommate is sleeping quietly in my freezer. Unless somebody can think of something else to do with him, anyway. Anyone got a good recipe for squirrel gumbo?
25 Comments
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Hmm... LOL... 🙂 I think it would get sealed in the Trash Bag, and into the Outdoor Trash Container... I do not think that I would want this little you know what laying in my freezer... Dead or Alive... Or just toss it out back.. Call animal control, and they will come and pick him up just like he died of natural causes.... Let him thaw before calling Animal control though... They may wonder how he died and 32 deg colder than your Refridgerator. 🙂 Good luck to you on this one.
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If any of Bill's friends drop over to his house over the weekend, beware of his comment "I'll grab something out of the freezer to throw on the grill". I know Bill, I am assuming you have friends.
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Bill This site has a ton of squirrel recipes. It reads like Bubba's monologue in Forest Gump: BBQ squirrel, Cajun squirrel, Fried squirrel with mushroom gravy, and many many more. Is your son, Officer Owen, planning a visit? If so my favorite is Daddy's squirrel stew! As an appetizer, you can serve Squirrel kabobs. Not so hungry Blog Boy
Employee
Employee
Ah, Mark and Brian, but don't forget where my little furry friend did his final "laps." Not sure I want to fricasee anything that arrived at my house via the sewer pipes, no matter how tasty the recipe!!!
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This would have been a "Wanna Get Away?" moment for me. How the heck did he get in there?
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Bill, If you're married, does your wife know about this? I'd suggest you call Blue Skies for some counseling... and get that squirrel OUT of the freezer! Now I admit... I do thinks it funny. But only because its NOT in my freezer! If The Jerry Springer show calls you to be on the show, please remember who you represent... and please say NO! : ) Thanks for the laugh...
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It's time to get you a camera crew. You're up to win some money. Take the squirrel out of the freezer, though. He might prefer cremation and not an Ice-Age burial.
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This thread is worthless without pictures! : )
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You've all heard "What's in your wallet?" Don't ask Bill, "What's in your freezer ?"
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I am crying here!!!! Oh my gosh!!! I can hear the argument in your head. Do I take care of business or do I take care of BUSINESS. Thanks for the laugh and cry. Don
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And these kind of people are flying Southwest Airlines planes? I might think twice about flying Southwest in the future. Lol, j/k!
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Hmmm - let me see if I have this straight. Bill wakes up, looks in his commode, and there's a dead squirrel there? OK, I've got it now and it leads me to a very disturbing conclusion - Squirrel's spend their lives looking for nuts. Bill is male. I would be very afraid Bill, very afraid.
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That's hilarious! But, ummm...Bill? You might want to place little Rocky J in a ziplocked bag, instead. And no where near the ice tray. Just sayin'. 🙂
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I'm glad that my life isn't the only one that's this crazy. We had a similar experience with possums, oh, and skunks. eeeekkk! the possums would come into our house somehow, and end up in the laundry room. i almost picked one up one day while doing laundry. for some reason, this seemed be to the best place for all of the mommies to come and have their litters..or whatever they are called, for it happened alot. my mom and i made a possum noose thingy to catch them with. we got pretty good at wrangling them. then there was the skunk incident, in which the dog chased it, under the house and it sprayed. it was really bad. we also had peacocks show up on top of our house once. there were raccoons of course and a bobcat or two. i'm not mentioning the invasion of scorpions we had once either for i am more terrified of those than anything else in the world...but that's only because one was in my bed and stung me several times. but that's the tip of the iceberg. that's only the animal incidents....awww, to be a country girl! what stories what stories.
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In the freezer, dude?!?!!? Really bro?????? C'mon man!!!!!
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I just wanted to say that your TV commercials are getting better. I just saw one with a guy depositing change at the bank drive threw window. It made laugh so hard, I can see myself doing the exact same thing. Great job.
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Can't help ya Bill, If you lived where I do you would just throw it out and feed the coyotes.
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Why not give it a proper burial in the ground? Please use a shovel and not a ladle or some other kitchen implement...
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I thought I was bad when i tripped on a stair that didnt exist. Gee, it sounds like i have lot to be thankful for.
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Pete, I second you on that - hole in the back of the garden, and burial with the appropriate honours! Bill, this did make me laugh... had a little surprise of my own this morning: woke up, hit the light switch - no light. got up, went round the house, no electricity anywhere. opened the window, the whole village in darkness! I'm just hoping they've fixed the problem by the time I get home tonight! got out of the house, and had to scrape ice off the windscreen of the car (the temperature dropped from a mild 12 degrees C yesterday to sub zero - nice!). a rather strange way to start the day! :o) Raphael
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Sounds like we need to make a "movin picture show" out of this one. You could of put it in the doggie dootle. Trin
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Bill only schedules the planes. He isn't allowed to fly them.
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Had this happen once, and like you was surprised. But it was a prelude to something bigger that was brewing that took a few years to figure out. We had a cracked pipe in our main sewer line going to the street and the little guy crawled up the line and apparently drowned or otherwise died the process, that may have taken some time to complete. So I'd be wary of whats up with your sewer line. It took about 3 years before it all crashed and became known. But looking back we had a soft spot in the yard for several years and it all made sense to me after it happened. Cost about $5k to put in a new main sewer line.
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You can use the neighbors trash can instead of the freezer
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Hi Bill. I found it. And I laughed so hard I nearly choked on coffee. So there! You've already made my day. lol. I know about those mice. I remember helping to get rid of old termite infested lumber from a barn we tore down. I was just a kid. We all were hauling wood to the big roaring fire we had kindled. I tossed mine on, and a mouse immediately, to escape the flames, ran up my pants legs, and up inside my shirt, and hid behind my neck. I did like you did. A stange primordial dance, sceaming like a little girl, to the bemusement of my brothers and dad, till the mouse was dislodged. Guess my Cherokee ancestry seemed to had taken over at that time, as I danced the mouse dance. lol hope you the best. luv TJ