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Life happens ... how are we reacting to it?

bbehrens
Explorer C

Do you ever wonder to yourself, “why is all this happening to me?”  I have found myself feeling that way lately.  My husband and I bought a house, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, and the ins and outs of day-to-day life began to feel daunting at times.  However, I continue to remind myself of the quote by Charles Swindoll, “Life is ten percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it.”  This reminds me that I am in control, even when it doesn’t feel that way.  But lately I have needed some guidance on how to manage my emotions, and I have found my solace in a class, on the subject of Emotional Intelligence, that I am designing for the University for People here at Southwest.  

Several of my Coworkers and I have been researching and training on this subject, which is a hot topic currently in corporate America.  Emotional Intelligence is defined as “recognizing and managing feelings that are present in our relationship with ourselves and others.”  One’s Emotional Intelligence, which is referred to as EQ or Emotional Quotient, is fundamentally different than one’s IQ, or Intelligence Quotient, as IQ is not going to change much over time, but EQ can change through experiences and awareness.  EQ also is arguably the single most influential factor that drives performance and advancement within one’s career.   

So, how do you actively grow your EQ?  You must first start with a grounded self awareness.  When my husband and I first bought our house, our stress levels were elevated due to the nature of moving and our reactions to change.  It took me a few days to even realize that I was feeling something related to buying our house.  But once I acknowledged this, I knew I needed to journal to work through it.  As I was journaling, I identified that I was getting cranky, but that was only the result of whatever it was that I was feeling.  I then discovered that I was overwhelmed and anxious.  I accepted that these feelings were present and let myself experience both of them.  I even let myself feel a bit cranky, because I knew I had the tools to work through this.  I began to process these feelings and realized that I was overwhelmed because we had to get our new house painted, our current home packed up, and everything moved within a few weeks.  Feeling overwhelmed made me feel anxious about getting all of the work completed.  However, when I reflected on these feelings, I recognized that I was overwhelmed because I was putting too much pressure on myself.  Without even realizing it, I had made up rules in my head to have every room in our new house painted as well as everything organized and put up within the next three weeks.  Obviously, that was a lot to get done in only a short amount of time.  I decided that a better, more realistic plan would be to get the two main rooms painted, and to move all other stuff into the spare room of the new house until I had time to put it away in an organized fashion.  Whew, what a relief!  If I had not worked through these steps, I would probably have remained cranky for a while longer.  Knowing that I tend to put rules on myself, I forecasted that I may do this again with the next big change in my life.  So, I will try to be aware of this tendency and work through my feelings with each big change.  

It is likely that at some point in our lives we have all felt out of control.  Once we learn to recognize and manage feelings that are present in our relationship with ourselves, we will be better equipped to do this in our relationships with others.  A highly developed EQ can give us the edge that will spark success both in our professional and personal lives.  And, since EQ is a learned skill, we all have a clean slate in which we can build and expand it within ourselves if we choose to do so. 

5 Comments
Avid_SWA_Flier
Explorer C
EQ is one way to look at it. Perhaps it's a fancy psych-school-accepted way to call concepts that have been around for a long time, but were often dismissed -- until interest in the topic forced them to take it seriously, but because they'd previously poo-poo'd the ideas, they had to come up with their own terms for it. Silly academes! :-) In recent times, there have come along many classes, courses, approaches, and even books and movies that help achieve the same thing. Many of which sprang from a single group of people about 40 years ago. Each of the original participants took what they created and went off in various directions. Some famous, some infamous, and some quietly changing lives one person or one family at a time. To avoid seeming like an ad, spam, or advocate, email me directly and I'll be happy to give you a list of resources to make help you with your research and course-wares.
Charles_Wolfe
Explorer C
Hi, I enjoyed your comments. I have been working in the field of EI for about ten years now and what you have written reflects an intuitive approach to managing emotions. I have tried to find ways to help people to improve how they deal with any situation involving strong emotions by introducing them to my Emotion Roadmap. This roadmap construct represents a metaphor, that is, if I am in Texas and wish to get to Connecticut, how will I get there? If I am feeling overwhelmed and wish to feel in control and satisfied how will I get there? What you have written about intuitively is what I teach people to do. The emotional experience you have written about is personal and about you. The roadmap can also be used for improving a situation involving feelings with another person or with an entire organization. It can be used to react to an existing difficult situation or proactively when a change that is about to take place is going to have an adverse emotional reaction in the people who are going to be impacted. If you are interested in learning more about the Emotion Roadmap I will refer you to my website www.cjwolfe.com and from there you can also see my blog. Warm regards, Chuck Wolfe
pberg
Frequent Flyer B
Beverly - I can't imagine you being cranky! I wish I could have seen it...just for kicks (wink).
helen_stevens
Explorer C
this is what i needed to let me know that i to can work this out this is some thing that i did not know of with your help i can recear an find more about helping my self I am a mother wife and student now
bbehrens
Explorer C
Avid SWA Flier - I would LUV more resources on EQ and thank you for your offer. (I didn't see your e-mail address on the post, but please feel free to e-mail me at beverly.behrens@wnco.com). I completely agree with you that this is not a new topic and can't wait to hear from you and learn more about this and other topics. I also agree that self awareness and learning can be found just about anywhere if you seek it--it's always nice to hear from fellow "life-long learners." Thank you for your response! Chuck Wolfe - Thank you for posting a response! I can't wait to check out your website and learn more about Emotional Roadmapping. I appreciate you sharing and am so excited about learning to proactively and appropriately handle future and current diffcult situations as you have suggested. Paula - LUV ya, Girl! 😮 ) Helen Stevens - I encourage you to continue researching self-awareness and emotional intelligence--it has changed my life and I hope it will positively impact you as well. As a wife, mother, and student, you obviously have A LOT on your plate. Hang in there--all it takes is a desire, determiniation, and drive to always keep learning. This will help us to continually grow ourselves. Thank you for sharing and I am so happy this was helpful for you.