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MY NEST IS FULL--OF PEACE AND QUIET

Bill
Employee
Employee
As I've begun to lurch into "middle age" (whatever that is), I've been on the lookout for all the horrible things we've all been told to expect.  Things like the "Middle Age Crazies" (I have yet to run off with a twenty-something and do not drive a flashy sports car); "Male Menopause" (the only hot flashes I experience are when I get into a car that's been sitting in the hundred-degree heat all day); and "Midlife Crisis" (I almost experienced that one earlier this year, when Fox put "American Idol" on opposite CBS's "The Amazing Race."  I watched "Idol" and taped "Race."  Crisis averted.)   The one of which I was always completely skeptical was "Empty Nest Syndrome."  I'm the proud (if frazzled) single father of a 23-year-old boy–er, make that a 23-year-old man–who has lived with me fulltime since the summer of 1998.  Many, many times over the past eight years I've yearned to experience an "empty nest."  To paraphrase the old Henny Youngman line…"take my son…PLEASE!"  I got to tackle, single-handedly, the really fun years of parenthood–like high school, knowing full well what goes on in schools these days, and praying that my son would make the right choices (which, thank God, he did).  Getting his drivers license–then putting him on my insurance policy and, somehow, avoiding bankruptcy.  Living through four years of high school football, which in Texas is a religion, and crossing MY fingers after every tackle that all of his bones would still be in one piece.  Then came the post-high school years, when every child thinks their parents are the last brontosaurii on the planet.  To put it in mathematical terms, the ease of cohabiting with one's offspring is directly, possibly exponentially, proportional to their age.  As the age gets higher, so does the degree of difficulty in living together.   Don't get me wrong, we made far more wonderful memories than we did unpleasant ones.  My kid and I forged a great–honestly, a unique–relationship.  We have functioned equally well as father/son, friend/friend and, when necessary, jailer/inmate.  At least partially because of that, our house wound up being the preferred "hang out" for my son and his buddies.  Later, the crowd included both buddies and girlfriends.  At least I knew where they were all going to be–UNDERFOOT (and usually with hands full of food they'd raided from my refrigerator)–and didn't have to wonder what they were doing.  I think there were entire years that I didn't sit down in my own living room because it was too full of teenagers watching TV, cracking jokes, and "chillin'."    Some of the most wonderful memories of raising my son have involved Southwest Airlines.  Together, my son and I have done things like cooking, serving, and cleaning at Ronald McDonald House dinners and at the annual Spirit of Dallas Burgers 'N Beer Bash.   I've marched shoulder-to-shoulder with him alongside the Southwest Airlines float in the annual Chinese New Year's Parade in San Francisco (Southwest is a corporate sponsor of the event).  And many Christmas mornings, I've cooked breakfast alongside my boy and other Schedule Planning folks and their families, for the Agents working on the holiday at our former Dallas Reservations Center.   Recently, my son moved out of the house and into his own place.  I realized as he was moving his furniture (which I had paid for–but, what the heck) into the U-Haul that my nest was, finally, about to be empty.  Just me and the dogs.  So, in the quiet of the first Saturday morning of the new phase of both of our lives, I sat in the living room and did some quiet, introspective reflection...and I realized some things.  I realized that I only had one load of laundry to do.  The carpet looked just as freshly vacuumed as it had two days earlier.  I didn't need to go to the store to re-stock because we were out of "everything." And the kitchen was just as I had left it the night before….clean.  My nest isn't empty–it's tidy.  And quiet.  It's still full, only now it's also tranquil.  Ahhhhhh.....   Do I miss my house being full of the youthful laughter, the energy, and the huddled masses yearning to be fed?  Sure, in a way.  I do miss the kids, although I talk to my son daily and see him several times a week.  But it's time for his life–his real life–to begin.  He's a licensed professional, a gun-carrying, uniform-wearing, may-I-see-your-license-and-registration-please police officer.   He's getting married early next year.  And he tells me to expect grandkids within a year or two of the wedding.   So I guess I didn't have a "Mid-Life Crisis," nor did I have "Male Menopause," and so far avoided "Middle Age Crazies."  And, it appears, I've also dodged the bullet of "Empty Nest Syndrome."  But now we have a new, even more horrifying and unsettling, specter on the horizon…..grandparenthood.   Good LORD…me?  A grandfather?  How the HECK am I going to handle THAT?   The answer is ringingly clear.  Joyously.    So good luck, Officer Owen and future daughter-in-law Janet.  May you have a long and happy marriage, live in health, and may you be blessed with wealth and children (trust me, if you have the latter you'll need the former).  Come visit my clean and nicely-ordered nest frequently, and bring my grandkids with you.  Just don't forget to take them with you when you leave.  At least….most of the time. 
6 Comments
hcarboy
Explorer B
Bill, I SO enjoyed reading your post. My husband and I never had children, but I reminisced about my own "growing up" years. I sincerely believe my parents raised my sister and I and at least eight neighborhood kids!! The house was always full. My sister and I are both married now and living across the country from each other and our parents. I talk to my folks daily and see them at least every other month thanks to my great fortune at being a SWA flight attendant. I remember going off to college, then watching my younger sister join me at Baylor (Go Bears). My parents were both agonizingly sad and joyously happy. They've now had the house to themselves almost 20 years. They have one grandchild they absolutely dote on (they think they are the only 2 people to EVER experience grandparenthood) and they travel quite frequently on good ol' SWA thanks to parents' benefits. Enjoy your quiet and tidy house...for the time being. Wait until that grandbaby gets there. You'll be tripping over baby shoes and squeaky toys....and loving every minute of it!
PLM
Explorer C
Grandparenthood - when you finally realize what "Love At First Sight" really means!!!
Marci_Todd
Explorer C
Bill, three adjectives come to mind which describe grandparenthoodÃ
Tyler_Owen1
Explorer C
Dad, I like your blog entry?-lol. Dad we have had some very good times together. We used to spend all summer traveling. We would go to Seattle, San Fran, L.A., Boise, Chicago, Orlando, and many more. We some awsome summers together. We also had some....let just say they weren't the best. Do you remember when I through I huge party ( I mean like 150 people), and you were on business. You had to come early, because I got caught. Also the time, that me and some friends set up a drum set, a guiter amp, and a microphone in your bedroom. You woke up to three guys jamming out, at 3:00 am. You have had to put up with me, and I am sorry for that. Dad, I never got to thank you for all that you have done for me. Thanks for being there for me, for advice on things that I had no clue about. Thanks, for being there during the academy, without you I don't know how I would've made it. Dad, I just want to say I love you, and thanks. I can truly say, that I have a wonderful father, you have proven that for twenty three years. Dad.........Thanks dude. Your son, Tyler Owen
Cindy9
Adventurer C
OMG!! Your post was so emotional to me but when I read your sons post back to you...Well I guess I have to admit I have tears in my eyes.. I am also an empty nester and as you mentioned I couldn't wait for that to happen.. But I also have my babies, thats grandbabies that I adore!! I think the absolute BEST compliment a parent can recieve has little to do with work or accomplishments as much as it has to do with the way your kids view you when they grow.. My kids have given me such great compliments and don't even realize that they did..Just telling me "Mom, I always call you in an emergency because I know you can help get me thru" or something similar is so gratifying.. My kids are 31 and 23 now and both independent and self sufficient..I wasn't always sure that would happen and yes they also had the parties when I was gone and oh those teen years were a measure of patience.. But in the end I can't imagine a more fulfilling experience.. As you mentioned its great that now when I leave and come back home, everything is always as it was before I left...A GREAT perk for us.. Took me a while to figure out how to buy and cook for just 2 rather than my kids and a half dozen friends of theirs..But hey, we just had alot of leftovers at first...lol Southwest has also been a BIG part of our lives since the kids moved out we were able to save and buy a second home in Fla and we ALL fly SW and hang out together on the beach..Building more memories with both my (grown) kids and my grandbabies.. Afterall...Whats the use in having a house close to the beach if you can't share it with the people in your life that you care about... Thanks for the post it just reminded me how lucky I really am.. Cindy
Martha
Explorer C
Oh wow--someone who totally understands! I've been a single parent for the past 12 years. My daughter and her baby girl, who was rebounding with us for a few months after a failed relationship, moved out in July and three weeks ago my son has moved out, preparing for a life in the military. Friends ask me how I'm doing, what am I doing with all my spare time, and act as though I must be in deep grief. They're shocked when I tell them I've waited years for this! I love my kids (and my granddaughter) but it is time for their lives to begin. I had the day of introspection,too, and I came away from it full of joy. I can choose to do things that have been on hold for years or decide they are no longer important to me. This isn't a time for grief--it's a time for celebration of the kids being grown and independent and making their own lives. It's a time to celebrate that we made it--divorce was devastating to us. It's also a time for me to reevaluate and move forward, possibly in new directions. I didn't say "whew--it's over" with sadness, but with a smile of satisfaction and one happy/sad tear trickling down my cheek as one l-o-n-g phase of life drew to an end and a door to an unknown adventure popped open just around the corner! Congratulations, Bill! It was so great to read someone who really understood what I was feeling!