It's definitely not corn, and as a candy, it hardly qualifies (although Kandi Korn might be a good name for an adult entertainer). Okay, so why am I ripping off Jerry Seinfeld with this rant about nothing? Aside from the fact that October 30 is National Candy Corn Day (I didn't make this up!), the other day, we were holding a Blog Team meeting in the office of our "faculty advisor," Linda Rutherford (yeah, we actually meet about this), and she had a big bowl of candy corn.
I really don't like the tasteless little treats, but I can't help myself from eating them because they hold a special significance for me. When I was young and had to get a shot at Doctor Joe's office, the nurse would always give me candy corn to ease the sting and indignity of the shot. I really didn't like the taste, but I wasn't about to turn down free candy, even if it was candy corn. Somehow, it's ironic that these waxy little lozenges of pure sugar probably are the number one destroyer of baby teeth. (Maybe Doctor Joe had a tie-in with the dentist down the hall.)
Why is that ironic? Have you ever really examined a piece of candy corn? With their little white caps, long triangular shape, and sickly yellow color, they resemble a human canine tooth that has never seen an ounce of toothpaste. Besides that, candy corn has a half-life of centuries. Caitlin, our former Intern and fellow reluctant candy corn afficionado, tells me that no matter how old and stale a piece of candy corn is, you can still eat it. After hearing that, I had a nightmare of being stuck in a restaurant where all they serve is Spam and candy corn.
Still, like an episode of Jerry Springer or the movie Showgirls, you just can't walk away from candy corn (Kandi Korn?). (Maybe the Surgeon General should require a warning on the package?) Here's hoping your Halloween treats are tastier and less addictive.