02-15-2010
11:56 PM
Okay I'll admit as a fat man myself that it's fair if I have to buy two seats, but can we do something about these other folks who invade my personal space on the plane as my love handles would invade theirs?
To begin with how about people who ruin the enjoyment of my flight with meaningless incessant chatter about brain rotting drivel such as reality T.V., fashion, who has the cooler cell phone, or how they got so drunk / high that one night that they wandered out of the bar with someone and now it burns when they pee. Can there be a section of the plane that is sound proofed so we can cage off these media created automatons and save me from the invetiable migrane that there verbal vomit would cause?
Next up is the smelly people. That business man who didn't get to shower before that big out of town meeting he had before he rushed to the airport so he still smells of Johnny Walker and "Cindy" the "tactile adult entertainment specialist" he met at the bar the night before, the grandma who had to depend on her Depends at some point after boarding, the teenager who doused himself in cheap-o bodyspray to cover the weed smell on his clothes from that doobie he smoked in the airport parking deck to help relieve his flight anxiety, and the southern guy who decided chili and short ribs with a cup of joe sounded like an acceptable meal choice before getting jammed into the sardine can of the sky are all violaters of my personal air supply that no air filtration system in the world can do a thing about. I suggest you install some industrial fans in front one of the back sections so that it blows their stink back at them, or at least a ten dollar charge for a febreeze hose down.
Another group that particularly bothers me is old people. Being constantly reminded about the inevibility of death while riding in a Wright Bros. brand of lawn dart, which like normal lawn darts if launched into the incorrect place / person can have horrible after effects, is depressing and somewhat disconcerting. I say if they are over 65 they should have to purchase the "Happy Sac" a.k.a. a yellow burlap sac with a smiley face printed on the front of it and wear it over thier time worn faces for the duration of the flight.
I would appriciate it if you took the time to consider my stance and I hope to see some policies in the future to garuntee the enjoyment of my flight.
The One and Only,
Moose B. Almighty
P.S. - If the sarcastic rant wasn't enough to indicate my opinion of you I'll put it in simple terms. I'll never fly your airline again. the fact your seats are smaller then those I would find in my local movie theater is bullcrap, if you think losing 91 million in your first quarter last year was bad imagine what this will do to you, bite my portly pasty posterior you penny pinching pigs.
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