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Who needs a laugh??

jhallen
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Spring break is a distant memory and summer vacation is still far away. How do I get through this work week? I have the answer right here for you...... What's a French name for throwing a grenade into a kitchen? Linoleum Blownapart. Fish never drop out of school, but sometimes they take debate. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. Prison walls are never built to scale. Don't get offended by atheism, look at it as just another non-prophet organization. OK, back to work.....
31 Comments
blusk
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Jill, speaking of colleges (or is that writing about colleges?), there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that the company that makes "San Francisco's Favorite Treat" is going to buy the big private university in Houston and rename it Rice-A-Roni University. Blog Boy
Greg4
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any long time swa fans here cause I have a question that I want to get off my mind and don't know where to ask !. WHAT are the plans for SWA at washington Dulles? I thought I would have seen some new cities added to dulles airport by now!.
Francisco_Delga1
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thanks for making me laugh.... USS BLOG BOY
Jeremiah_Jackso
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i'm still trying to figure out if the spring break/summer thing is also a joke...
blusk
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USS Blog Boy Don't encourage Jill too much! Blog Boy
Jim13
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Joe was known as a supreme tightwad, so when he died, everybody was stunned to hear that Joe's will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "You told me about the $30,000 in the will," replied her friend Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "But how much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand dollars." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was a nice service, but $30,000?" "The funeral was $6,000," Helen answered. "The wake, food and drinks were another $1,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$23,000 for a memorial stone? My goodness, how big is it?!" Helen held up her hand: "Three and a half carats."
Jim13
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When a mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, and then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Jim13
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Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher asked, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answered, "We found a ten-dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Frank_Kachurak
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At the risk of some boo's and hisses, this is one of my favorites... A man was walking along the beach when he found a peculiar gold lamp. Excitedly he begins to shine the lamp using his shirt and POOF!! Out comes a genie! The man screams, "HEY I KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS! YOU'RE A GENIE AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THREE WISHES!!!" The genie says, "Hold on there, I didn't ask you to rub that lamp. One wish, that's it. And make it snappy!" The man thinks and thinks and thinks, and finally says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm afraid to fly or get onto a boat. I wish for a road between California and Hawaii." The genie, now visibly upset says, "Do you know what is involved with building a road? I can't just "poof" it into place! Traffic studies, concrete and asphalt orders, supports (and in the water, nonetheless). Nope. Too complicated. Pick something else." The man thinks once again, and finally makes his request: "I wish that I could tell what my wife really wants from me." The genie replied, "Would you like a 2-lane highway or a 4-lane highway?"
Jason2
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A man working in retail finally got fed up and become a cop. One day, his friend comes over and asks how his new job is. "The hours are lousey, the pay sucks, but I'm happy to be in a job where the customer is ALWAYS wrong!"
joe-mdw-plane-d
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Cool! More Jill jokes. DUNKS J70 PMM J94 OBK IOW STJ J18 FTI J244 ZUN EAGUL1 Ding! boy Joe Anyone know what that is?
Cygnus
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Give it time, Greg. Cities weren't added to BWI overnight after SWA started flying there in 1993; heck, they're still adding cities with BWI-PIT just having started last month! And growing the routes from within is one of the things that has made SWA profitable and other carriers . . . not so much. IAD is closer to me as the crow flies than BWI, but it winds up being about the same drive to either. And now, my joke, which I'm sure has nothing to do with the work ethic of SWA Employees: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care!
FriendofBlogBoy
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Hey Blog Boy, Do you know if "Interactive Marketing Manager of Business Support is Jill's day job? I have some good advice for her if it is. EBB 🙂
FriendofBlogBoy
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Jim, As a defender of my family honor, I must take umbrage at your insulting joke. I demand the right to defend our honor. I'll meet you in the swimming pool at high noon and we'll see who can balance a ball on their nose the longest. Kim 🙂
Ivan_Offelitch
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Oh, Jill... I feel posting these other corny jokes may be my only shot at revenge, so here goes: Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" A man takes his Rotweiller to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really, really heavy."
blusk
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EBB, Yes it is, and my guess is that your advice to Jill is to keep her day job? Blog Boy
Jim13
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DUNKS J70 PMM J94 OBK IOW STJ J18 FTI J244 ZUN EAGUL1 "Anyone know what that is?" Detroit to Phoenix
Jorge2
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this blog is awful
Phil_Willman
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Joe, I thought that maybe that was the combination to Brian's Candy Corn safe.... And...for blog use anywhere in the country... "Did you hear that (insert most-hated rival college here) had to close the library?" "No, really?" "Yep, some vandals broke in and stole the BOOK!" 🙂
Cygnus
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this blog is awful Reminds me, has anyone seen Frank Lorenzo lately?
joe-mdw-plane-d
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Phil, Can you imagine Brian dialing all of these letters and numbers when he has a sugar low? DUNKS J70 PMM J94 OBK IOW STJ J18 FTI J244 ZUN EAGUL1 I entered this code into the navigation system on our Durango and it took off! Haha! Ding! boy off to retrieve the durango. Joe Friedmann
Scott5
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Jim, the "DUNKS" portion of your question is the name of the procedure from the departing airport. The PMM, OBK, IOW, STJ, FTI, and ZUN are either airports or locations of navigational beacons. STJ (is St Joesph, MO) IOW (is Iowa City, IA) , ZUN (is Zuni, NM) OBK, PMM, and FTI are codes for naviagational beacons. The "EAGUL1" portion is the name of the procedure for the arriving airport. The whole thing is the flight plan. Captain Starks in a blog called "what's your vector, Victor?" answers what the J70, J94, and J18 mean. But in summary, its the flight plan for this evening's flight 890 from Detroit to Phoenix. Which this evening tookoff from Detroit at 4:40 PM CDT and has an current ETA of 8:47 PM CDT in Phoenix.
blusk
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Aw, come on Jorge and Paul, the jokes might be "awful" (and proudly so) but not the blog. Blog Boy
blusk
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Ding Boy, Does the FAA know the family Durango is filing flight plans??? (That would be the ultimate Griswold family vacation!) Blog Boy
Jill4
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Jim, Loved the animal cracker joke! Kim, Even though 'joke telling' isn't part of my job description, I throw it in for free. You know, as an 'added value'. I figure it won't be long now and I'll be actually getting paid for this job.
Phil_Willman
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Joe, you're right, the combination is probably more like......1 And, just out of curiousity, can you catch up to your Durango in Durango?
blusk
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Jill, (or Interactive Blog Girl) I read your response to External Blog Boy, and I was curious, when are you going to start telling jokes? Blog Boy
joe-mdw-plane-d
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Phil, Unfortunately, I can't as it has a Hemi. They aren't offered in my Dakota. I'll have to use one of your 737's. Rumor has it that the candycorn budget has been reduced to allow for the purchase of two used 700's from India. Who would have thought that 37 new aircraft wouldn't be enough for this year?! Ding! boy. Joe 😉
Cygnus
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Blog Boy, I know the blog is great! I was just wondering whether Jorge was disguised as someone else. Maybe I need better writers. Muddled in MD, Paul
CK2
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Alright, I'm jumping on the bandwagon here... Two men walk into a bar...which is pretty silly considering the second one should've seen it coming. Think about it....you'll get it...give it time.
jhallen
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Love it CK!