09-29-2021
11:31 PM
1 Love
Much love, Brenda. I hope you have smooth travels and a great trip. Try not to overdo it! And I will cross my fingers that you remain at least mostly free of the glares of those who dont understand the painful (in all ways) existence of living and fighting a chronic, invisible to all others, illness. I know that you truly need the accomodations you begrudgingly ask for. I encourage you to NOT be discouraged from using them to accommodate other's sensitivities. Your health and wellbeing is important too, please dont put it at risk for fear of being judged as the one thing we desperately want back - able bodied.
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09-29-2021
11:25 PM
1 Love
Please consider clicking my name and reading my two recent responses. Please reconsider judging me (or others like me) in the future. I assure you, I do not want to preboard. But even more than that, I dont want the judgemental glares. A glance, or even a curious stare, that's ok. It's understandable. If you want to kindly strike a conversation, Ill probably tell you why I need to preboard. Frankly. This is partly why Im bringing my own wheelchair. I hope my miraculous ability to stand on my own two feet for a few minutes doesnt offend you too much. If it does, I will gladly trade you bodies for a few weeks, no matter the condition. I assure you, despite my looks, it's a winning proposition for me. Kind regards, DisabledALister
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09-29-2021
11:11 PM
P.S. feel free to say something to me next flight. If you do it kindly, I just might explain it to you. To be honest, travelling is very difficult for me. It requires a lot of planning, asking for help which I hate, and Im probably as tired abd cranky as you are. So....I apologize in advance if I respond in kind and tell you to sick your A List somewhere the sun doesnt shine. But on behalf of all those with invisible illness, please know that my cranky response is NOT proof that we are cheating the system. Simply proof that we are also human, we got an unfair lot in life, and sometimes, it's frustrating. Especially when we have to convince a stranger, again, that just because we look perfectly healthy doesn't mean we are. Because often, only we know the daily struggle, the months of rehab, the dozens of daily pills, to difficult choices, the tears, required to be functional in that brief moment. That brief moment you judged us. Where we look normal, but the struggle to look normal yet be far from it is a difficult one that never ends. Never.
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I was so frustrated at these posts. I made an account. With a similarly obvious name. Im copying my other response here. Please consider how some of us feel being judged by someone who doesnt have to think about everything they do, everything they eat, every step they take, just to get through a day. That guy on crutches will probably be like new in a few months. Its might be uncomfortable to walk that far, but it likely has little to no impact on the rest if his week. I look perfectly fine. But those 100 extra feet add up for me, and do impact my day, and my week. It might impact me enough to be visible that moment, it might not. It two months, I wont be any better, but I'll likely still look perfrctly fine. Now, who "deserves" preboarding. Anyway, I don't begrudge people who don't know any better, but now you do. Here's my other response. As a long term A-Lister myself, who is quite young, and looks very healthy. Who can walk and stand short periods. Who fatigues so easily that overdoing it can cause me to be laid up for days. Who uses a wheelchair or a walker, but I dont have to sit in it 100% of the time. To you, I look like a preboarding jerk. In reality, I earned A-List status when I was fully "abled". I never judged or was angry at preboarders, but I didnt stop friends lighthearted jesting about them and their miracles. My life has been turned upside down. I preboard because I have to. I preboard because that extra walking isnt about convenience, or laziness, or cheating the system. It is about my ability to manage to function more than a teensy percent of the day. It is because a little extra walking that day could cause gasping and shortness of breath and a skyrocjeting heart rate. Id be miserable, but at least you'd feel better about boarding sooner and 5 seats earlier. If I am not fortunate enough to have help at arrival somewhere, I might miraculously have to manage my own luggage, and probably look perfectly fine doing it. Should I stay seated in my wheelchair at all times to make you feel better? Should I wrap myself in bandages unecessarily so that my disibility can be visible to you? I am not trying to be mean, but I assure you, a week in my shoes would have you singing a different tune. I preboarded recently on a trip with my kids and ex husband. They preboarded with me because I needed his help. Should I have left my kids at the gate with us on the plane? And we got looks, let me tell you. The kicker - our boarding passes were A2-5. I wasnt sure how preboarding would work, it was my first time, so I paid extra to upgrade to ensure we'd be early on the plane. If I hadn't upgraded, we'd have been in the A20s due to status. Im sure some people abuse. But I know many young people in my groups who are not willing to use accommodations available to them because they fear judgment of others. They do things that actually cause them net harm by expending unecessary energy because they dont want to be judged by abled people. Many of us have internalized "ableism". I even wear joking shorts implying or pointing out I have an invisible illness because I hate the disappoving stares. Im ok with curiosity. Ill even tell you if you ask. But disapproving looks are more of a reflection of that person, than me. I carefuly planned and managed my energy all week to be able to make that flight. I gave up a lot of things to make it. It was hard, but just because Im not healthy anymore doesnt mean I cant enjoy a vacation. P.s. despite significany health challenges, I work. Not my old job, I cant. But from home. I never went on disability. I wanted to keep working, it was hard, but I did it. I qualify for and need preboarding, I dont look like it. Not a bit. But I would gladly never preboarding again to have my health, and my life back.
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09-29-2021
10:52 PM
2 Loves
As a long term A-Lister myself, who is quite young, and looks very healthy. Who can walk and stand short periods. Who fatigues so easily that overdoing it can cause me to be laid up for days. Who uses a wheelchair or a walker, but I dont have to sit in it 100% of the time. To you, I look like a preboarding jerk. In reality, I earned A-List status when I was fully "abled". I never judged or was angry at preboarders, but I didnt stop friends lighthearted jesting about them and their miracles. My life has been turned upside down. I preboard because I have to. I preboard because that extra walking isnt about convenience, or laziness, or cheating the system. It is about my ability to manage to function more than a teensy percent of the day. It is because a little extra walking that day could cause gasping and shortness of breath and a skyrocjeting heart rate. Id be miserable, but at least you'd feel better about boarding sooner and 5 seats earlier. If I am not fortunate enough to have help at arrival somewhere, I might miraculously have to manage my own luggage, and probably look perfectly fine doing it. Should I stay seated in my wheelchair at all times to make you feel better? Should I wrap myself in bandages unecessarily so that my disibility can be visible to you? I am not trying to be mean, but I assure you, a week in my shoes would have you singing a different tune. I preboarded recently on a trip with my kids and ex husband. They preboarded with me because I needed his help. Should I have left my kids at the gate with us on the plane? And we got looks, let me tell you. The kicker - our boarding passes were A2-5. I wasnt sure how preboarding would work, it was my first time, so I paid extra to upgrade to ensure we'd be early on the plane. If I hadn't upgraded, we'd have been in the A20s due to status. Im sure some people abuse. But I know many young people in my groups who are not willing to use accommodations available to them because they fear judgment of others. They do things that actually cause them net harm by expending unecessary energy because they dont want to be judged by abled people. Many of us have internalized "ableism". I even wear joking shorts implying or pointing out I have an invisible illness because I hate the disappoving stares. Im ok with curiosity. Ill even tell you if you ask. But disapproving looks are more of a reflection of that person, than me. I carefuly planned and managed my energy all week to be able to make that flight. I gave up a lot of things to make it. It was hard, but just because Im not healthy anymore doesnt mean I cant enjoy a vacation. P.s. despite significany health challenges, I work. Not my old job, I cant. But from home. I never went on disability. I wanted to keep working, it was hard, but I did it. I qualify for and need preboarding, I dont look like it. Not a bit. But I would gladly never preboard again to have my health, and my life back. (I apologize if there were typos, I am absolutely exhausted and not going back to reread this novel, I even know this is an old post but I came here to look up some information about carrying on medical devices, and after seeing multiples of these posts, I could not help but respond)
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